Monthly Archives: June 2015

Learning follow-through

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I want to be the one that has it figured out.  Not the one that makes plans and then sits there.  I don’t know if it’s a procrastination, or if it’s a lack of motivation.  I don’t mean just weight wise either.  In order to go back to school, I have to take the COMPASS test.  Nothing is stopping me from doing it, just my own self.  I have no reason not to do it, I have every reason to take the test.  So what is stopping me?  I can stick to a diet for max 4 months.  I have discovered the limit to my ability to follow through.  4 months.  When I start things, it’s all or nothing.  Taking the COMPASS test is just the first step to achieving something else with my life.  There doesn’t even have to be a second step, but my mind thinks I need to go to school right now otherwise why bother?  I’m trying to make sense of how my brain is wired.  Trying to see if there is a way to change some ways of thinking.  Talk more positive with myself….give myself a break.  Like my last blog I said I was going to try and write something everyday…and this is my first blog since that last post.  It feels like failure….when I haven’t even started, if that makes sense. In order to lose weight for example…you have to exercise and be mindful of your eating.  My mind’s logic is…I didn’t exercise today….that’s it, I gained all my weight back.  It’s a mystery to me why I have to wake up, drink coffee and get on the computer. Why can’t I drink coffee whilst outside?  Why can’t I go for a 20 min walk everyday….without giving myself the pressure of ‘it has to be for a reason’.  Changing your way of thinking seems impossible…but I’m going to try.  I want to find new ways of living my life.  Be happy with other things other than what follows my ‘routine’.  I want to break free from the limitations I give myself.

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