I want to be the one that has it figured out. Not the one that makes plans and then sits there. I don’t know if it’s a procrastination, or if it’s a lack of motivation. I don’t mean just weight wise either. In order to go back to school, I have to take the COMPASS test. Nothing is stopping me from doing it, just my own self. I have no reason not to do it, I have every reason to take the test. So what is stopping me? I can stick to a diet for max 4 months. I have discovered the limit to my ability to follow through. 4 months. When I start things, it’s all or nothing. Taking the COMPASS test is just the first step to achieving something else with my life. There doesn’t even have to be a second step, but my mind thinks I need to go to school right now otherwise why bother? I’m trying to make sense of how my brain is wired. Trying to see if there is a way to change some ways of thinking. Talk more positive with myself….give myself a break. Like my last blog I said I was going to try and write something everyday…and this is my first blog since that last post. It feels like failure….when I haven’t even started, if that makes sense. In order to lose weight for example…you have to exercise and be mindful of your eating. My mind’s logic is…I didn’t exercise today….that’s it, I gained all my weight back. It’s a mystery to me why I have to wake up, drink coffee and get on the computer. Why can’t I drink coffee whilst outside? Why can’t I go for a 20 min walk everyday….without giving myself the pressure of ‘it has to be for a reason’. Changing your way of thinking seems impossible…but I’m going to try. I want to find new ways of living my life. Be happy with other things other than what follows my ‘routine’. I want to break free from the limitations I give myself.